Five Tips for Child Arrangements Over the Festive Period

It can be difficult to agree arrangements for the children as often separated parents have conflicting ideas relating to what their Christmas should look like, when they wish to spend time with the children and what activities they'd like to do with them.

Whilst this is not an exhaustive list, here are our top five tips for parenting apart successfully over the festive period:

1. The Child's Best Interests

What is in the child's best interests should be at the heart of parental decision-making. Whilst parents may have differing views on what they should and should not be doing, the priority should be the child's welfare.

2. Communication

This is key. Ideally you and your ex-partner would discuss child arrangements face to face however we appreciate that when emotions are running high, this is difficult and not always possible. Therefore, we would suggest written communications, preferably email instead of text so you have a clear record which can be retained and referred to if needed. Writing arrangements down helps avoid ambiguity and reduce the risk of disagreement at a later date. You should avoid emotive and inflammatory language and it may be helpful to plot the dates/times on a calendar, as this helps illustrate how the arrangements will work and identify any gaps.

If the relationship has completely broken down, which means you cannot communicate directly with your ex-partner or an Injunctive Order is in place preventing contact, you should contact a solicitor who can facilitate contact and assist in agreeing arrangements formally.

3. Be Organised

If you are planning on taking your children abroad over the festive period, make sure that you tell the other parent as soon as possible to ensure you have everything necessary for the children within plenty of time. This includes passports, any medication and medical insurance. We have previously advised on cases where holidays were booked and paid for and then the child's passport was unreasonably withheld by one parent.

4. Start Planning Early

Try and (so far as possible) work together to make plans for the festive period. Perhaps one of you wants to take the children to see Santa, or perhaps the other wants to take the children to drop presents to elderly relatives. The sooner you communicate this with one another the better, allowing sufficient time to consider the other parent's proposals and reach a consensus. If parents are unable to agree, this allows time for parents to speak to specialists, including lawyers, about how to deal with their disagreements.

5. Compromise

It is virtually impossible to reach any form of agreement without a degree of compromise on the part of one or all parties involved. It is normal to want to see the excitement on your children's faces on Christmas morning when they realise Santa has been, and to feel disappointed and/or frustrated when your ex-partner states that they want the same. Perhaps you and your ex-partner could agree to the children spending Christmas day with each of you on alternate years. Perhaps you could split the day (if you live close enough). Entering into discussions on the basis you are prepared to compromise will usually result in the most fruitful negotiations, and an agreement being reached amicably and quickly.

Remember - Happy parents = happy children. If your children see their parents working together to find an arrangement that works for everyone they will be more content and will adapt more quickly to change. Your children get two Christmases- what’s not for them to enjoy?

Existing Child Arrangements

Notwithstanding the points set out above, parents should consider any existing child arrangements when discussing plans over the festive period. If, for whatever reason, existing child arrangements need to be amended, this must be mutually agreed by the parents. Any changes should be made with primary consideration given to the child's best interests. Any permanent proposed alterations to an Order should be set out in a Consent Order, signed by both parents and filed with the Court.

What if We Cannot Reach an Agreement?

Unless there is a Court Order stating otherwise, both parents should input equally to decisions regarding child arrangements. Neither parent's position should take precedence over the other. If parents cannot agree on child arrangements, they should consider discussing the issues with a family practitioner. This includes lawyers, mediators or other specifically trained experts who can help facilitate discussions between parents to help reach an agreement. Parties are encouraged, where possible, to avoid court for settling disputes as this can be costly, timely and damage relationships further.

For any queries regarding child arrangements please contact Samantha Hickman in our Family Law team on 0117 314 5435, or complete the form below.