Gaslighting, similar to other forms of domestic abuse often develops gradually. It can, in many cases, be subtle. This can make it difficult for the person or their family and friends to detect.
Examples of gaslighting include:
- Denial: Denial involves the perpetrator pretending to forget events or how they occurred to undermine the persons credibility. This causes much confusion for the person who will feel sure that the event had occurred.
- Trivializing: This occurs when the perpetrator belittles or disregards the other person’s feelings. They will accuse the person of being too sensitive or of overreacting, even when their feelings or concerns are valid. This can make the victim feel that they cannot confide in others as they too will disregard their concerns.
- Stereotyping: The perpetrator may also use negative stereotypes as part of their abusive behaviour. For example they may tell a female that if she seeks help from others, they will think she is irrational or dramatic.
What Can You Do?
Any form of abuse in a relationship should not be tolerated. Where possible, help should be sought as early as possible. The difficulty with proving that someone is 'gaslighting' you is that it can be subtle. So subtle that you even question whether you are imagining the abuse in the first place.
- Start a diary. This can not only record the examples of abuse but also support the persons recollection of events that will often be undermined by the perpetrator. It is important that this is kept away from the perpetrator as if they find this evidence, this could escalate the abuse.
- Confide in others. Whilst the abuse can often leave the person feeling isolated, it is important to confide in someone as soon as possible. This can be a family member, friend or even a professional. Whilst this step can feel scary, and in some cases embarrassing, it is an important first step to putting an end to the abuse.
- Make a plan. Once you have decided you no longer wish to accept the abuse, a careful plan should be made to remove yourself from the situation. This may involve considering alternative accommodation or putting aside money to give yourself the financial security to step away from the relationship. There are a number of charities that can support victim survivors with housing, food, clothing etc.
How We Can Help
Our specialist family lawyers recently underwent training presented by UK domestic abuse charity SafeLives. They work with organisations across the UK to transform the response to domestic abuse and hopefully put an end to it once and for all. Our lawyers are trained to recognise abuse and advise victim survivors on the options available to help keep them safe. Furthermore our advice on all matrimonial matters can be tailored so as to take into account the abuse that the victim survivor has suffered.
If you would like any advice on how to deal with gaslighting, please contact a member of our Family Team, or complete the form below.