on Tuesday, 11 January 2022.
Separation can be a difficult time, emotions run high and you may feel overwhelmed. We recognise separation is not just a legal journey, but also an emotional one. Often the emotions can de-rail the legal journey.
Claire and I have given our top tips for couples who are separating. You can watch the full video below, or read through the 3 top tips in this blog.
This is invaluable and will stand you in good stead through this difficult time. Claire's advice is to notice how you feel around your friends and family members. Surround yourself with those who lift your spirits - your radiators, and avoid those who leave you feeling depleted - your drains or energy vampires.
It is important to have the right professionals in place too. Instruct a solicitor that you have a good rapport with, who will listen to you and work with you to achieve your aims and objectives.
We also recommend a good coach or counsellor and financial advisor. Making sure you have the right people for the right jobs will give you clarity to make informed decisions. We have strong connections with other professionals who can support you.
Effective communication is key, but can be challenging. Claire's advice is to focus on what you can control. You can control your responses and how you react. Take your time to think about how you respond rather than rushing a reply to a message or email, especially if you feel angry. Always remember you have a choice as to when you respond, how you respond and even if you respond. If you feel your emotions rising - stop, breathe, and think before you speak/act. Claire suggests focusing on "I" rather than "you" and to avoid sentences which start "you always/you never…".
The solicitors in the VWV Family team are members of Resolution, a body of family lawyers committed to the constructive resolution of family disputes. Our communication is non-inflammatory but we adopt a robust approach when we need to which strikes the right balance.
Resolution have recently published 5 great ways to put children first - focusing on communication, a united front, addressing anger, self-care and co-parenting after parting.
If possible adopt a united front and reassure your children that they are loved by you both and that they will have time with you both. Let them know what will change and what will stay the same. Claire advises not to make promises you may not be able to keep.
Often parents feel pressure to co-parent, but in some circumstances this will not work. Claire advises to focus on parallel parenting, an arrangement in which parents who cannot communicate disengage from each other and parent separately.
We have a large experienced family team who can support you following a separation. We are also able to offer a mediation service.
Claire Black is a leading specialist divorce coach based near Bristol and works with you to find calm, clarity and to create a fulfilling future you are excited about. She has also written a book Break-up - from crisis to confidence. You can contact Claire at claire@claireblackcoaching.com or visit her website at claireblackcoaching.com